5 Things A Thai Fortune Teller Told Me

Credit: Teacuptravel

Always one to be curious about how things are shaping up along the line of fate, I decided to have a destiny top up after my last encounter with the Korean Fortune Teller. This time it was in the temple-powered city of Chiang Mai, lovingly hugged by rugged green mountains and watched over by the infamous Doi Suthep. I was strolling down Nimmen Road; the emerging hipster area of this city where endless Chinese tourists come to gawp at random coffee shops and kitsch boutiques here. This street was in a Chinese movie apparently and they’ve been going crazy about it ever since. Nonetheless, amongst the endless signs competing with each other that you’ll see at the end of every street, I spotted a fair-weathered peeling blue sign exclaiming ‘Tarot Readings this way! I speak English’. I passed that sign as I waltzed up and down that street to ‘work’ (blogging) many a time and finally gave into my curiosity. Was what the Korean Fortune Teller said really true? Am I really going to get married at 38? Am I going to pop my clogs before I’m 50?

Korean Fortune Teller

CC image courtesy of Steve Snodgrass on Flickr

I swerved left instead of the using onwards direction and walked and walked and walked. Like any mystical lady in her right mind would do, she lived in the very last house on the street, tucked away behind big rusty gates and somewhat fear-inducing malformed trees that uncomfortably wrapped themselves around the house walls in a yoga position that a girl like me may try but fail miserably at.


A man with shiny jet-black horse-like hair down to his waist materialised and peered at me through the trees. ‘My Mother is seeing someone else right now but feel free to come and sit in the house whilst you wait’. I stepped over the threshold and sat myself down in what could be mistaken for the Sleepy Hollow set. In fact, it completely reminded me of the Black Temple in Chiang Rai I had seen two years before. Animals on the walls. Beautifully crafted figures made from caramel chocolate coloured wood. Lots of Thai Buddhist designs and images that I wish I knew about but was surprisingly too shy to inquire about.

Black Temple Chiang Rai Thailand Animal Skulls

The Black Temple in Chiang Rai Thailand

As one local lady left, I was invited in. At the forefront of my mind was the perfect guy who I had left behind in Taiwan. I needed to know if I should put any more energy into him or keep calm and carry on being Teacake. What happened in the next thirty minutes can be described as all a bit barmy. The perfect guy was not addressed at all and the Thai Fortune Teller proceeded to tell me these five things.

1. Meat is diminishing my power

Thai Fortune Teller

CC image courtesy of Carsten Frenzl on Flickr: Don’t eat me Teacake! I’m an energy sapper!

Apparently cows are my worst enemy. Funny that because I did nearly get killed by a pack of English cows once whilst I was hiking across a field by myself in the middle of England. Equally funny is beed if my favourite meat to eat (I mean come on, STEAK people, STEAK: sorry vegetarians). She was adamant that eating this meat was making me weak and to stop eating it immediately. Believe it or not, I have stopped eating it and I’ve also stopped eating chicken, pork and whatever else is from my animal friends. No longer do I have to shout, ‘What’s that in my soup?!’ when I’m eating lunch. I am eating fish and she told me to eat a hell of a lot of my finny friends. Do I feel better? Absolutely. Watch out world: Teacake has loooooooads of energy now mwahahahahahaha.

2. I’m sleeping in the wrong place

Thai Fortune Teller

CC image courtesy of Josh Angehr on Flickr

Turns out this Thai fortune teller has a Feng Shui streak. She asked me how my sleeping patterns had been and I told her I was restless as a ADHD firework going off during Yi Peng. I’ve never tossed and turned so much as I have in Thailand. Ever felt like your mind is racing on a drug ten times stronger than any disco pill and a pack of Valium will do nothing to save your soul? Yeah, that was me. ‘You’re sleeping in the wrong place’ she assured me. You’re sleeping in the middle of the room right?’ I was. ‘You need to sleep in the corner, where you feel safe. If you sleep in the middle of the room, you’re going to be alone for a long time’. Well, I went home and moved the bed. I didn’t date a single boy in Chiang Mai the whole time I was there and Tinder did nothing to rectify that situation either but did I sleep better? I sure did.

3. I’m about to enter the happiest years of my life

Thai Fortune Teller

CC image courtesy of Henrik Sandklef on Flickr

My Korean Fortune Teller told me that I was going to get married when I was 38 and the Thai Fortune Teller pretty much told me the same thing! I love matching stuff: cool! From now on until the age of 38, I’m gonna be riding high on the joys of life and meeting awesome, supportive people and making lots of money (make it rain people, let’s make it rain!). Apparently people born in 1982 or 1983 are going to be super rad but I’m still holding out for that young tomboy husband who is going to keep me forever young.


4. My lucky numbers are 2, 7 and 4

Thai Fortune Teller

CC image courtesy of NessieNoodle on Flickr

After a lot of ferocious tapping on her calculator, covered with the smudge marks of her wrinkly tarot-bearing hands, she presented to me a paper full of endless numbers and mathematical procedures which essentially boiled down to these three numbers: 2, 7 and 4. ‘These are incredibly lucky for you’ she reassured me. Wherever you sleep or stay, you will see these numbers. I was dubious but casting my mind back to where I’ve been staying lately, these numbers have definitely been in there. My childhood home was number 20 and the last three rooms I’ve stayed in have had the number 2 in. Hell, my birthday is on the 2nd and I was born in 1984 but with something like this, I think a lot of people could find many connections, don’t you think?

5. I should go and visit a Temple

Sak Yant Tattoo Chiang Mai

My beautiful Sak Yant Tattoo: I couldn’t be more chuffed with it

This is when I started to doubt the lady a bit. She was determined to get my ass to a particular temple she had a leaflet for and when someone is pushing a particular product on you, well, you start to doubt them a little bit don’t you. Especially if you’ve turned up to spend some time with some tarot cards, not a monk. I took the leaflet but decided to go one better on this piece of advice. I did my research and discovered a monk in the countryside who believed in giving women Sak Yant tattoos: a spiritual Thai tattoo to offer you protection and blessings depending on what help you need in life. Representing love, compassion and being a firm believer in kindness, I discussed with the monk what I needed. He presented this design to me and I immediately fell in love with it. With bamboo and herbal red ink, he proceeded to chip away and the result is this! Now that is one hell of a way to leave Thailand and go forwards in life with strength, awesomeness and a whole lot of love!


Read about her experience with a korean fortune teller here 

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